The awesome Christmas ninja

You all know that I’m pretty awesome. But in what ways am I so awesome? Well, I beat the expert level on Minesweeper TWICE yesterday at work. I ate Skittles for breakfast for two consecutive days. I once jumped high enough to touch the rim on a professional height basketball hoop. I have an iPod. My mom has a tattoo that reads “Son”. These are just a few of the facets of my awesominity. Not to mention my humility and willingness to help others who aren’t quite as awesome to achieve optimal awesome-pacity. Isn’t “willing” kind of a funny sounding word?

Anyway, you know by now that this is actually going somewhere: I am exceptionally awesome at guessing my Christmas presents. I think it all started when I was a young boy with dreams of becoming a ninja spy. I justified peeking on my presents (which my parents so obviously hid on the far side of their bed) by telling myself that it was time to find out if Santa was real or not. I decided to go look at all of my presents so that on Christmas morning if I saw the same gifts marked “from Santa” I would know. It was such a rush; I was hooked from then on. Some people say that it takes all the joy out of Christmas morning to know what you’re getting. I disagree.

When I succeed in finding out what my presents are, I am either happy or disappointed. In being disappointed, I have time to work on my “happy surprised” face, or drop subtle hints to the giver that I don’t want this item. If I’m happy with my discovery, then I still have that overwhelming, kid-like anticipatory joy, in the form of: “x number of days until I get to play with my new y!” See, that is still enough motivation for me to experience the mind melding, fanatical stupor that occurs while enthusiastically waiting for Christmas day to arrive.

Now I see this as a sort of game, and I compare it to the way my family plays Clue: No rules. Get information in any way possible. Cheat, make deals, form alliances, cause distractions, whatever. We’re talking about murder here, just figure out who did it! My wife figured out quickly that I discover my presents early on. The problem was that she was telling me they were somewhere in the house. As soon as I know they are in the house, my Pavlovian instincts take over; it’s game on and I will find them. She has discovered that if she simply doesn’t tell me that she bought presents, she can hide them in even the most obvious spot and I would never know. But this year, I knew she was going to do all of her shopping on Black Friday. She wrapped the presents as soon as she got home, before I even woke up. Well played.

But I’m still awesome.

We celebrated our Christmas day last Saturday since we will be traveling on Christmas. Using my remarkable groping skills, I deciphered what my presents were. Mostly. One present was the size and shape of a DVD, but I knew that it wasn’t a DVD. DVD’s and video games have a unique bulk to them. I knew it was a game because the case was a bit flimsier. But, there is only one game on the Wii (the console I already have) that I want, and three games wrapped up. Well, there was another box about the size of the Xbox 360 boxes that I have looked at so many times at the store and it had about the same weight. So, that means that it is, in fact an Xbox, and those are Xbox games. One of the DVD’s was actually a DVD though. I could tell because it was less flimsy, more bulky. See, so now I basically knew what I was getting, but I didn’t know what games and movies they were, so there was some anticipation building up.

At one time I even told her that I knew what my presents were. She told me to guess, but I didn’t want to because I was so sure of myself and I didn’t want her to be discouraged like she usually is when I discover my presents. She persisted, and I finally guessed that I was getting a video game. She said “no” but I knew she was lying. I’m a present-guessing ninja spy veteran, and the wars I’ve fought and conquered were not easy. I didn’t guess any more though, because I imagined what it would have been like if I said, “Yes, it is a video game. It’s an Xbox game for my new Xbox, which is this present right here.” Instead, I said those words on Christmas day before opening the game. She said, “You knew it was an Xbox!?” And I told her it was only a guess, but yeah, I pretty much knew. Also, I’ll admit that deep down inside of me, I don’t want to be told up front. Part of the fun is seeing if my detective work has produced the correct verdict.

And I had a hard time falling asleep the night before because I was so excited to play with my new Xbox. Who says that knowing your gifts beforehand takes all the fun out of Christmas? For me, knowing (or at least having an idea) what I’m getting makes the wait much more insufferable, whereas having no idea what’s in a wrapped up box makes me slightly uninterested.

I’m awesome.

I almost died whilst surfing.

I’ve tried my hand at a lot of different sports. I played football, basketball, ran cross country, threw shot puts, table tennis, and picnic table sliding (a friend and I made that one up, and we were the BEST at it). I quit football because I was a Nancy and it was too hard for me. I can admit it now; I don’t care whatchu think. I still love basketball, and played it when I was in junior high. I was tall in junior high, but I had apparently finished growing. Once I got to the high school level, I was the same height as I was in junior high and everyone else had grown taller than me, so the result was the terminus of my “cool athlete” days (and right when I enter High School when it matters most, right?). I don’t run competitively anymore, but I do run on a near regular basis. I try just about anything that I can, and when I do try something new I get really into it, to nearly outrageous levels. I try to skip the novice stage and go directly to (semi) pro. If I started gymnastics tomorrow, you can bet that I’d be attempting to do a full-twisting double back cabriole on the balance beam followed by a back salto dismount by the end of the day, all while wearing the most mind-blowing leotard (blue, because it matches my eyes) you have ever seen. I’ve said too much.

This next part is not for the weak-stomached. Those of you who know me well, know that I really push my body to the limit, usually until I vomit. It’s true. I always puked during football practice, after running lines in basketball, after getting splinters in my face from table sliding, etc. Even now, I know that my workout isn’t complete until I have spilled the contents of my stomach, and it’s not even done then! It usually goes something like this: I either 1) run for a straight mile as fast as I can (we’re talking dang near sprint), or 2) I keep a steady pace and run for as long as I can. At some point AFTER I complete my goal and slow my body down, I start to think, “Wow, I really don’t feel so good. I’m never going to push myself this hard ever again.” I take deeps breaths and suppress my gag reflex, because I really don’t want to puke, no matter how much you think I do. But the anger of my stomach is kindled, and its wrath is spewn upon the inhabitants of either the bushes or a garbage can (which is really uncomfortable when I’m in a gym with other people, strange people {known as strangers [that’s right, triple parentheses!]}). After I puke, I feel GREAT! See that? Adorned in all capital letters and an exclamation point. I feel GREAT! And then I usually run another mile or move onto some other form of self-torture.

I don’t really know why I told you about my throwing up problem. It has nothing to do with how I almost died surfing, but I will use it, tactlessly, as a bridge to the next topic: I once threw up in the ocean after taking a massive spill, and I was in deep water and couldn’t touch the ground. Yes, it was as disgusting as it sounds.

Before I start yakking it up (no pun intended) about surfing, let me say this: To my Idaho friends, or to anyone who has barely even seen the ocean and therefore have never cavorted in it’s mighty waves, you have NO idea how intense it is (if you’re Mike Haycock, shut up because you were on a 9 foot floatation device that even a quadriplegic could stand on). I’ve never felt anything more forceful, and I was once hit by a car (true story). And, to my fellow surf-buddies, don’t make fun of me. Remember that I’m still a noob, and try to remember what it was like when you were a noob. Remember? Back when you were 2 years old and your hippy father put you on a board and pushed you out towards a wave. The first time you ever stood up all by yourself was inside the barrel of a 13-footer. So be nice to me. Go buy me some Taco Bell.

The reason I talked about all the other sports that I played was because I wanted to make a comparison. Surfing is by FAR the hardest sport I have ever done. It’s also the only sport where I’ve said to myself “I think I’m going to die,” and I actually meant it. New term, write this down. It’s lovingly called a “wash cycle”: when a wave eats you and it pushes you under water like the bully on amphetamine at the public pool. The spin of the wave in turn spins your whole body around until you have no idea which way is up. All you can really do is hold your breath until the natural buoyancy of your body brings you to the surface, and if the frequency of the waves is high, you have only enough time to take another breath before another wave crashes on top of you and you go through another wash cycle. On my first day of surfing I found myself in cycle after cycle until the ocean pushed me all the way back to the shore without me realizing it. Imagine how dumb I felt when I eventually found myself freaking out in ankle deep water, flat on my back, arms a-flailing and legs a-kicking. Dumb kids collecting shells stopped and gaped at me, DIDN’T YOUR PARENTS TEACH YOU IT’S NOT POLITE TO STARE!?

On a particular day when the waves were rather large, I was feeling confident for no real reason. I knew that bigger waves meant harder falls, but that was far from my mind. I adopted the mindset that larger waves meant more room to stand (glass half-full assurance {or insurance [oh, snap, I did it again!]}, if you will), and all I really wanted was to stand. That day was brutal. I think I gave up at the moment that I fell off a wave, my chest hit the ocean floor, and the abrupt stop caused me to kick myself in the back of my own head. You read that right. I kicked my own head. With my own foot. I haven’t even gotten to the part when I almost died.

Here it is:

It was a particularly small day (“small” as in wave size, not the size of the environment or duration of the sun’s rotation) and I was taking out a short board that I got from my aunt (thanks, KC!). Short boards are significantly harder to ride than long boards, and I had barely earned enough experience with long boards, but I’m determined to learn to ride short. I wanted to go to a location where there weren’t a lot of surfers. I quickly found out that if there are not a lot of surfers in one spot, it’s usually because there is something wrong with that spot. I got out into the water maybe 30 yards from shore and tried, unsuccessfully, to ride a few gnarly swells. I was getting very tired and decided to go back to shore for a little rest. I was in waist deep water and walking on the ocean floor towards the shore when I strolled into a pocket of utter doom. It was like I walked off the edge of a cliff. I was maybe fifteen feet away from the shore and I couldn’t touch the bottom anymore. I didn’t think much of it at first. I just jumped on my board and started to paddle away from it, but I noticed that I stayed in the same spot. It was like some horrible, flooded eternal treadmill without a safety key that clips to your clothes in case I fell off that one time when my shorts fell down. It was then that I noticed that there were some evil, vindictive crosscurrents in that little pit of despair, and it was basically a small wake pool from hell. I paddled harder, but that just wore me out quickly, ekspecially since I blasted my triceps earlier that week. I got off my board and swam like a sober Michael Phelps, but that didn’t work, and I’m sure that the board strapped to my ankle didn’t really help my cause. I tried to backstroke out, doggie paddle, breaststroke, freestyle, monkey bite, everything, but I stayed on the exact same spot! I looked at people on the shore (15 feet away, remember) and noticed people watching me like I was a rare species of fish that they were about to discover and name after their snot-nosed kid building the sand castle. Realizing how stupid I must look, I calmly rested my arms on my board with my feet dangling into the pit of the unknown and pretended like I wanted to be there. That’s right, I meant to do this; I like the exercise. I thought to myself “So, this is really how it ends? I hope these people don’t provide eyewitness accounts to the news crews, which has potential to be embarrassing. Not even my own family will claim me. Maybe,” I contemplated, “just maybe I’ll get a Darwin award.” I don’t really remember how I got out of this embarrassing plight (I mean the crosscurrent, not my life in general). It’s all kind of fuzzy as I was too busy concentrating on passing my life before my eyes (It wasn’t a fast moving, “you-are-definitely-about-to-die” moment, so I had to flash my life before my eyes manually. It wasn’t pretty). I’m pretty sure what happened is that I rested on my board for a REALLY long time, then gave it my entire strength and got myself out by swimming away from the shore, then parallel to the shore, then I let the waves wash me up with the rest of the barnacles and other nasty pelagic whatsits. I’m pretty sure I puked on the beach too. This concludes the time that I almost died while surfing.

Why do I surf despite the near-death experiences, you ask? It’s splendidly awesome, that’s why. When you actually do ride a wave it’s exhilarating, and it can actually be very peaceful to sit on your board out away from land and just watch the horizon line. However, since I’m a noob I haven’t mastered the balancing technique of simply sitting on my board, and my falling off and splashing around appears to ruin the peace for everyone else, but I can imagine that it’s peaceful.

*If you’re wondering, I recently discovered the thesaurus feature on my Macbook Pro, and that’s why this entry is significantly more awesome than most others. Not to mention the ridiculous, absurd, preposterous, ludicrous, laughable, risible, nonsensical, senseless, outrageous, and antonym reasonable amount of free time I have at work right now.

Just to be sure that I keep up my reputation of writing unnecessarily long blog posts, I'm going to apologize and tell you why I haven't written very often. This will be quick. I got a job. It's a sad day, but it gets worse. I got a job with UC Berkeley, the Disneyland of Liberalville. It's really not that bad, and it's a great job, so I'm not going to complain. In fact, I am very grateful and lucky to have this job. And I just might be able to keep my promise of not blogging about political things, for a couple of reasons. 1, I'm afraid that people I work with will discover my true identity as a conservative super hero of sorts, and B, now that I have a job, I don't have time to keep up with current events as well as I did before. It kind of makes me sad, but at the same time I've kept my sanity intact, more or less. No one at work talks about politics all that much, which was sort of surprising to me. Anywho, maybe I'll tell you more about the amusing parts of my job at a later time. I know that you all are DYING to hear about my job. Well, just be patient for 2 or more months.

Obama: This is a long one.

Yes, I know I've been gone for a long time. I'll explain later.

As for now, I recently read an article that was interesting. Keep in mind that the article came out last April. It talked about how much flack George Bush got for the amount of golf he played during his two terms in office. He played a total of 25 rounds. As of last April, however, Barack Obama played 32. So, in a little more than a year Barack played more golf than Bush did in 8 years with virtually no flack from anyone. If you feel so inclined, you can read the article here.

This article prompted more research. Here is what I discovered; a breakdown of the day-to-day response from the president during the oil spill (disclaimer: I realize that this is a totally unoriginal idea. If you Google some of this, you will find at least 10 articles exactly like it. In fact, I used some of those articles as reference. However, I did research every single thing here to discover it's truthfulness before presenting it to you and did additional research on my own. If I found that something wasn't true or if I couldn't find strong evidence to back it up, I discarded it.):

Day 1, April 20th - The spill occurs, Obama flies back to Washington after fundraising in California for Barbara Boxer, who has represented California in the Senate for almost 20 years and whose career is on the rocks. Hm, wonder why. . . Anyway, the article I referenced here is mostly for laughs. Blue Wave News is not a source that I would consider to be reliable, but blaming Republicans for everything wrong with the government is such a unique idea, so I had to share. Not to mention the fact that they can't come to any other conclusion other than that we all must simply be bigots. Bravo, Blue Wave, bravo.

Day 2, April 21st - He attends a reception for G-20 Labor Ministers. Later, discusses Michelle's plans to cure childhood obesity with paralympians (unless I misunderstood).

Day 3, April 22nd - The White House hosts Rose Garden party to honor Earth Day, where the National Resources Defense Council called carbon pollution and global warming the "single greatest environmental ill of our time" (um . . . doesn't anyone realize by now that oil is spilling into the gulf?), then flies to NYC to push Wall St. bill.

Day 4, April 23rd - Vacation in Asheville, NC, then lunch at Twelve Bones for ribs and mac and cheese, followed by a mountain hike and a round of golf. (I like this article because it tries to depict Obama as a man who can prioritize his time well enough to justify a vacation like this. These are the same people who demonized Bush for his 25 rounds of golf in 8 years. Also notice that they called his vacation a reflection of a middle-class vacation. Yes, I was just thinking that I would love to fly out to NC for a round of golf and mac and cheese while staying at Grove Park Inn resort and spa.)

Day 5, April 24th - Golf again at Grove Park Inn (apparently the Tracy person who wrote this doesn't know about the oil spill either), followed by a gourmet dinner at the Biltmore.

Day 6, April 25th - Brunch at Grove Park Resort to conclude their middle-class vacation.

Day 7, April 26th - The White House host the New York Yankees. VERY important.

Day 8, April 27th - Flies out to Iowa to hold town hall meetings and talk about jobs and the economy, but somehow the most interesting part this visit was the rhubarb pie at Jerry's Diner.

Day 9, April 28th - Flies to Missouri for lunch at Peggy Sue's Diner.

Day 10, April 29th - DNC fundraiser at ritzy DC residence. Asking admission price to the event in a hospital-converted-home was $30,400 per couple.

Day 11, April 30th - Flight to Maryland to view secret service binoculars. I wonder if he could see the oil spill from MD with those new binoculars.

Day 12, May 1st - Obama joins Jay Leno for a comedy routine at WHCD. (No, he didn't use failed policies from his short presidency as the leading punchline for his routine, but he did manage to make fun of Arizona and anyone else interested in upholding federal laws.)

Day 13, May 2nd - Obama FINALLY visits Louisiana. Yes, 13 days into the crisis. That article is funny because they make fun of Fox News when they said that Obama hadn't visited the oil spill yet. They reply with (in paraphrase) "Yes-huh! He visited them after 13 days in the crisis after he took vacations and a few rounds of golf! See, he's doing his job!"

Day 14, May 3rd - He hosts Navy football team. Receives chest bumps.

Day 15, May 4th - Holds private lunch with Nobel laureate Elie Wiesel.

Day 16, May 5th - Hosts Cinco De Mayo party at the White House. The party was placed as a guise to promote immigration reform. Because we all know that crossing the border legally and having to pay taxes and contribute to the American economy is such a pain in the butt.

Day 17, May 6th - Summers gives update on the economy. I can imagine how that meeting went. "It's not looking so good."

Day 18, May 7th - Gives Rose Garden speech on economy.

Day 19, May 8th - Golf at Ft. Belvoir, followed by dining at Komi, a ritzy DC restaurant. Another middle-class retreat? The Huffington Post is always good for a laugh.

Day 20, May 9th - Obama gives commencement speech at Hampton University.

Day 21, May 10th - Picks a supreme court justice. Good timing for it, considering that he has done an exceptional job at avoiding the oil crisis.

Day 22, May 11th - Private lunch and round of golf with Joe "clueless" Biden.

Day 23, May 12th - Obama speaks with President Karzai of Afghanistan. Probably a good thing, this one.

Day 24, May 13th - Flies to Buffalo, NY for Duff's hot wings.

Day 25, May 14th - Obama takes time to make a speech from the Rose Garden about the oil spill. That article is particularly hilarious because Obama mentions how oil execs are all trying to point the finger at each other and "The American people could not have been impressed with that display, and I certainly wasn't." Funny, get it? Because Obama constantly points the finger at Bush and Republicans and rocks and . . . well, you get it. Unfortunately, too many Americans are too much in love with Barack to notice the severe hypocrisy in that statement. Especially interesting is the fact that in a brilliant act of arrogance, Obama, after hammering the right wingers who supported offshore drilling, suddenly changed his mind a few weeks prior to the oil spill and all the Obamaniacs (who didn't really pay attention to his campaign anyway) changed their minds and went from demonizing pro-drillers to praising the new pro-drilling Obama. Soooo, Obama took the pressure off himself by blaming all the execs who are blaming each other. In other words, Obama tip toes slyly out of a bucket of crap and still smells like a rose.

Day 26, May 15th - After proclaiming the week of May 15 National Police Week (even though John F. Kennedy already proclaimed it back in the 60's), Obama didn't even show up for the event, the first president in 21 years to not show. He must have been doing something super important, right? Well, if you consider hosting the Philadelphia Phillies in the White House (and getting another number 44 jersey) important, then yes. If you don't consider that important, then how about another round of golf? 'Cause he did that too.

Day 27, May 16th - Golf again at Ft. Belvoir. Apparently the day before wasn't enough.

Day 28, May 17th - White House hosts UConn women's basketball team. This time he didn't get a number 44 jersey though. He got a number 1.

Day 29, May 18th - Tours plant in Ohio. Okay, spill is in Louisiana, but I don't know details of this visit. Probably legit.

Day 30, May 19th - Obama hosts elaborate dinner party for Calderon followed by a night of dancing. Middle-class event again, I'm sure. Be sure to note the list of celebrities in attendance.

Day 31, May 20th - Naturally, Obama would meet with musician Bono . . . naturally. Oh, and I'm willing to admit that I really question the reliability of that source, soooo. . .

Day 32, May 21st - Why not hang out with another sports team? The Steelers visit the White House, Obama receives yet another number 44 jersey.

Day 33, May 22nd - Golfing! At Andrews Air Force Base.

Day 34, May 23rd - Obama shoots hoops and discusses basketball with Marv Albert, discusses Lebron James. Meanwhile, oil has reached Ireland.

Day 35, May 24th - Obama hosts Asian American celebration.

Day 36, May 25th - Flies to San Francisco to attend a party hosted by the Getty Oil family and campaigns for Barbara Boxer. He hasn't yet realized that he isn't considered a good endorsement for democratic candidates anymore.

Day 37, May 26th - Day 2 in California where he discusses the economy with Schwarzenegger. In case you forgot, he is the governor of California. In case you forgot, California is drowning in debt. I'm glad these two are talking to each other about the economy.

Day 38, May 27th - Back to the White House in time to host the Duke Blue Devils. Later the U.S. World Cup soccer team would come over. Then he hosts a party for Jewish Americans before loading his family into a helicopter to go on a weekend vacation to Chicago. The article tries to make us feel bad that Obama had to take time out of his vacation to address the spill for a few minutes.

Day 39, May 28th - Spends day in Chicago as part of their vacation, takes a little bit of time out to address the spill (see previous link).

Day 40, May 29th - Obama spends some time at the University of Chicago playing basketball, then an evening BBQ.

Day 41, May 30th - Hitting the gym. The article tells us all of the other unproductive things he did. But, hey, vacation is for relaxing, I s'pose.

Day 42, May 31st - Skips Arlington, but not to tend to a crisis or anything.

Day 43, June 1st - Meets with the president of Peru.

Day 44, June 2nd - Paul McCartney concert at the White House. For the record, I would invite a Beatle into my house over doing work any day of the week.

Day 45, June 3rd - Obama attends Krishna reception.

Day 46, June 4th - Hosts Major League Soccer champs, Salt Lake. This time he didn't get a number 44 jersey, but don't worry, he got a number 10 jersey. Later he would go to Louisiana. To talk about the oil spill crisis? Not sure, but let's hope it at least came up in conversation during his five hour lunch meeting.

Day 47, June 5th - Gives a press statement in the morning, then clears his schedule to give himself personal time. Seriously.

Day 48, June 6th - Attends Kelly Clarkson concert at Ford Theatre. Meanwhile, Biden hosts a BBQ for liberal media, which includes bounce houses and water fights. Seriously, you should click on that link if only to see the pictures and video. No wonder the liberal media like him so much.

Day 49, June 7th - Obama gives speech to Michigan HS. Notice in the opening paragraph of this article, they allude to calling Obama a "celebrity". More on that later.

Day 50, June 8th - White House hosts BBQ for members of Congress. This was about the same time Obama said he needed to know "whose ass to kick" over the oil spill.

Day 53, June 11th - Broadway night! I may have this date mixed up. Stupid, nonetheless.

Day 54, June 12th - Obama compares oil spill to 9/11 because it's "going to shape how we think about the environment and energy for many years to come." Yup, just like 9/11 did.

Day 55, June 13th - How about another round of golf?

Day 56, June 14th - Flies to Mississippi and gets a snow cone.

Day 57, June 15th - Walk on the Florida beach with Charlie Crist to check out oil damage. But it seems like Crist is finding everything on the beach is just peachy.

Day 58, June 16th - 20 min meeting with BP execs.

Day 59, June 17th - Begins his lawsuit against the state of Arizona. (Can you believe AZ would have the nerve to enforce a federal law?)

Day 60, June 18th - Attends White Sox baseball game. Obama witnesses Strasburg set a strikeout record. Everyone else witnesses a jackass in a private suite that their tax dollars are probably paying for.

Day 61, June 19th - Golfing. Apparently this is his 41st time since becoming president.

Day 62, June 20th - Relaxation day (needs to recuperate from 6 hours of golf).

Day 63, June 21st - BBQ at the White House.

Day 64, June 22nd - Hosts gay, lesbian, and transgender party at the White House.

Day 66, June 24th - Obama meets with Russian President, Dmitry Medvedev, but for some reason the only news worth telling about that visit is their trip to local Virginia burger joint.

Day 67, June 25th - Back at G-20.

Day 68, June 26th - Meets with Prime Minister Kan.

Day 70, June 28th - Obama proposes a plan to increase airwaves for mobile internet. I guess he needs to check his emails when he's on the golf course.

Day 71, June 29th - Meeting with a bipartisan group of senators to discuss the passing of energy and climate legislation. By bipartisan, he means a group of 15 democrats, 7 republicans, and Joe Lieberman. Later met with the Hispanic Democratic Congressional caucus for reasons that I couldn't uncover.

Day 72, June 30 - Obama holds a town hall meeting in Racine, Wisconsin to sympathize with their unemployment problem, but not before telling a lame joke. You can be sure that he demonized the republican party during his remarks, including indirect blame placed on George Bush (seriously, read the article, it's like a total GOP bash). Then he had the nerve to say that the economy is on the road to recovery. In a totally unrelated note, June 30, 2010 (this same day) was declared the 3rd largest single day debt increase, almost $166 trillion--larger than the entire annual deficit of 2007. And surprise, the Washington Times tried to blame Bush.

Day 73, July 1 - Obama begins (or rather, continues) his push for Immigration Reform.

Day 75, July 3 - Gives a weekly address about investing in clean energy. A clean gulf is not mentioned.

Day 76, July 4 - Hosts a White House BBQ, and gave a short speech. He made sure to remind everyone that "We celebrate the principles that are timeless, tenets first declared by men of property and wealth but which gave rise to what Lincoln called a new birth of freedom in America." Thank goodness Lincoln fixed the principles put in place by those awful men of property and wealth. Remind me, Barack, how much is your home in Chicago? You can thank capitalism for that.

Day 77, July 5 - Obama unveils his new direction for NASA, which includes ceasing space exploration altogether and instead pursuing a "new beginning of the relationship between the United States and the Muslim world." I didn't realize that was NASA's job . . .

Day 78, July 6 - Meeting with Netanyahu.

Day 80, July 8 - Obama hits the road to campaign for democratic leaders facing the November elections. Including Harry Reid who has been suffering in the polls since healthcare was passed. All things considered, Obama doesn't seem like a good endorsement for Reid.

Day 81, July 9 - Remarks on the economy, indirectly blames Bush, assures that we are on the right track to recovery, same ole, same ole.

Day 82, July 10 - In Italy to meet with the Pope.

Day 83, July 11 - GOLF!

Day 85, July 13 - Obama announces his strategy for fighting HIV/AIDS. No, his strategy did not include "Don't sleep with strangers."

Day 86, July 15th - The leaked is reported as stopped after the U.S. Government gave permission to shut off the valves.

** Okay, okay. I know what some of you are thinking. Let me sum up everything: I realize that I am taking tiny slivers out of Barack's day. I realize that a lot of these articles are biased. But, in my defense, most of them are biased in favor of Obama, I just find them ridiculous still. In fact, I feel like the articles in favor of Obama are the most damning to him, because it's so blatantly obvious that they are leaving out key details. Am I unfair in this blog? Probably. Do I believe that if Obama had visited the gulf more often, the oil spill would be resolved any sooner? No. Although I think that if Obama had accepted the offers to help, it could have been stopped sooner. Maybe I'm one of those radicals who will think that everything Obama does is crap, but I don't believe I am. After all, I did mention some days when he did good things.

Now, I can't even imagine how hard it would be to be the president. So much stress, and so many problems to deal with. Traveling around the world would be exhausting enough without then having to deal with political issues. The president deserves the occasional vacation. He needs time to relax, I have no problem with that. But this is obscene. I don't want a president who leads a celebrity lifestyle. Why are Beyonce and Jay Z in the situation room? Why is Michelle buying $6,000 dresses? Why is she taking day trips to shop in Europe? Not to mention the Spain trip that I'm sure you all know about. Why is Barack appearing on talk shows to take pop culture quizzes? For crying out loud, the only thing I heard about during the first month of his presidency was the new dog he got. Those who idolize him don't care about the state of the Union. They care about his personal life and swoon over how articulate and smart he is. Why do we think it's so great that he plays basketball? I love the sport too, but I can't ditch work to play it. And if you're wondering, as of August 4, 2010, he has played golf 43 times. Again, Bush played golf 25 times. . . In 8 years. This is not pro Bush blog, but I'm just wondering: where's the flack for Obama's golfing?

I don't want to make enemies out of my friends who support Obama. I'm capable of being friends with you. But, if you happen to be one of those who still support him, do me a favor: Crawl out of your apparently deep cave, and once your eyes have adjusted to the sun, tell me what it is about him that you think is praiseworthy. And don't tell me that it's because he's smart, and articulate, and personable. Because I already know all of that, and those qualities do not equal a good president. Think in terms of his campaign (hopefully the reason you voted for him) when he promised tax cuts for anyone making under $250,ooo a year. Last I checked, I don't make that much, and instead of a tax cut I got a tax mandate to pay for everyone's healthcare. Do you remember when he said he was going to end the wars? How many troops has he sent out now (I actually agree with that decision, but I can imagine how anyone who voted for him would be a little angry about that.)? I could keep going, but instead, I'll let you point out to me a promise he made during his campaign that he has kept.

This is what happens when I bottle it up. It explodes all at once!

Things that bother me . . . a lot.

If any of you are following the NBA Playoffs this year, you'll know that the predictions in my previous post are busted. It kind of sucks. The Playoffs are like Christmas. There is that initial build up of anticipation, followed by hints and clues as to what you're going to get, and then on Christmas day you either get a package of blank T-shirts or a tricked out XBOX 360. In other words, you're either excited, or completely let down and the only consolation is the phrase "there's always next year". Well, Christmas day hasn't yet arrived in NBA land, but so far it looks like I'm getting either a pair of tube socks or a swift kick in the pants. I don't plan on talking about sports much longer here, so if you're not interested in what I'm about to say, just skip to the next paragraph. For the rest of you, allow me to bore you with this: I wanted the Spurs (my most favoritest team) to win everything. They weren't doing so good this year, so I wasn't expecting much, but they won in the first round, and it gave me some hope for them afterall. Alas, this hope only made it much more bitter when they were eventually eliminated in the second round. My second choice after the Spurs was the Cavs. Eliminated. Third; Nuggets. Eliminated. My fourth choice is anyone but the Lakers, however, I thought that the Cavs and the Nuggets were really the only teams that had a chance of beating the Lakers, but they were eliminated before they even met the Lakers. And now it looks as though the Lakers are headed for a repeat. I'd rather have a root canal without anesthetic than see a repeat. One day I'll explain why I have such severe hatred towards the Lakers, but it's complicated. You know how all my opinions have stipulations and exceptions. I'm weird that way. I will say one thing: I have an uncle who is a Lakers fan, and I think he's great and I don't think anything negative of him at all. But, what's the difference between him and most other Laker fans? He lives in L.A. Moving on.

I've said this before, but I'm sure not many people believe me: I'm not a negative person. I'm really not. But I post about negative things because it's a lot more fun than telling everyone what makes me so happy. So, in order to maintain my facade (imagine a comma attached to the bottom of the "c" and I'm prreetttyyy sure I'm using that word correctly) of negativity, I have made a list of things that really bother me, in no particular order:

-When people end every sentence with an upward tonal inflection so that it sounds like everything they say is a question. You might as well stop talking because I stopped listening.

-Huge sunglasses. And I'm not talking about the ones you get at a novelty gag store, those are hilarious. I'm talking about the ones that are actually considered "high fashion". I remember when I was a kid and my grandma would get ready to go to the grocery store. She would always put a scarf around her purple hair, then put on sunglasses that were half the size of her face. I use to laugh silently to myself, but now it's the style. I think Grandma was on to something.

funny


stupid


yet, also funny (and might I mention that one of the Lakers is married to this woman. 'Nuff said.)

-When people wear their sunglasses inside. (Imma let you finish, Kanye, but you look like a moron.)

-Double negatives. ("Can't get no satisfaction." Good song, bad grammar.)

-When people can't form a sentence without using the F-word. Especially when it doesn't even make sense. I've heard lots of people START every sentence with the F-word. ("What did you do today?" Response: "F-in' I played Candyland with my little sister.", etc. etc)

-In California it is illegal to use a cell phone while driving unless you have a headset. That doesn't bother me, but sometimes people put their phones on speaker and hold the phone up to their mouth to talk into it. Just because it's not against your ear doesn't mean that you are okay to use your phone.

-Loud music and subwoofers in an apartment. Don't these people realize that they share walls with other people? I sound like an old man, I know.

-When people drive straight in a turn only lane.

-Lane changes without using a signal. I'll let you in if you signal, you don't have to push your way in front of me. (I understand why you wouldn't signal in Utah. Because when you signal, the guy in the lane over will speed up just so you can't change lanes.)

-People who complain about bad drivers. Hypocrite, I know, but seriously, everybody's idea of a bad driver is different. Someone once explained to me why he's such a good driver, and everything he said is in my definition of a bad driver.

-Um, Utah drivers. Good and bad drivers alike can agree that it's bad in Utah.

-When I can hear music word for word coming out of a person's headphones. I sound old again.

-The word "hella" or "hecka". I didn't know people actually used these words until I came to California. I'm sorry to admit that I found myself saying it a lot, but then I realized that my IQ dropped at least 10 points every time I said it. (Example for you who are unfamiliar: "I was hella excited to go and spend hecka money on hella clothes. I hecka love Old Navy.")


note that this image is trademarked. It's a sad world we live in.

-When people pronounce "especially" like "ekspecially". Or "ask" like "axe".

-When people use words that are almost right, but not quite right. Words like: irregardless, uncomplete, unrational, unvaluable, unconsiderate. A lot of mixing up "un" and "in". I tried to think of other examples, but you get the picture.

-Protesters. Ekspecially the ones in Berkeley who protest the sun and everything underneath it. And has anyone else noticed that the people who protest regularly are usually the most uninformed?


Funny. And I have my own opinions about Romney. They're not as strong as my opinions about Barack, which is why you've never heard them.


This was a "Free Tibet" protest when the olympics were in China recently. If you don't understand the humor in this picture, check this out. And I'm not condescending (that means talking down to you). I didn't understand the humor until I did some research.

-Pro-choice protestors. It's not people who are pro-choice in general that bug me, that's their prerogative, but the ones who get upset when I CHOOSE life. They aren't pro-choice, they are pro abortion.

-PETA. We both love animals. I just happen to like mine medium rare. But, same as above. If you think that animals should be treated ethically, okay, that's fine. But it seems like the biggest PETA supporters often forget that human lives are more important than animal lives.

-Weird facebook status updates. You know the ones I'm talking about: The vague sentences that are fishing for attention like "Why does it have to be like this? I didn't think it would hurt this bad, but I guess everything happens for a reason. I just wonder how long I'll be suicidal. I'm depressed. Please aks me what's wrong, even though I don't want to talk about it and make it public to all my friends on facebook. I'll tell you every detail, just ask me."

-Twitter. I have an account. It bothers me.

-The excessive use of exclamation points!!! Whenever I see an exclamation point I read it as yelling! And when people add several at the end of a sentence I'm overloaded!!!!! I get e-mails sometimes where every sentence ends with an exclamation point! "How are you! I'm great! I went to the store today! Foot cream was on sale! I also bought milk! Because I'm out!" And people who use multiple exclamation points inevitably add a 1 in there occasionally!!!!1.

-The movie "A Walk to Remember". When I was in high school every girl loved that movie, so I ended up watching it a lot (you know, cause I'm a ladies man), and I thought it was SOOOOOO stupid from day 1.

-People who actually think we can stop the climate from changing.

-Celebrities who think I give a crap about their political views. I like your acting, but that doesn't mean you're smart, and now you've ruined every movie for me that you're in and will be in.

-People who adopt their political views from their favorite celebrities. (Oprah.)

-Bad parking. How hard is it to park your Prius between two lines? We should line both sides of the parking spot with concrete poles. That way, they are forced to park in the lines, and if they don't, the only thing they harm is their own stupid car.


Seriously?

-People who complain about everything.

Let's go Celtics!!!1

Basketball and Beetles

It's time for something that most of you don't care about.

It's NBA Playoff time and I made two brackets. Here's what I WANT to happen:



This deserves some explanation. Where I wrote "Don't Care", I actually do care. I have a lot of emotion and opinion (and emotional opinions) for every series in the playoffs, but what I'm trying to convey here is that the Spurs are my very favorite team and I don't care how, but I want them to take it all. You'll notice that I predicted a result for 3 additional series'. Those are the teams that I hate and want to be eliminated in the first round. As most of you know, I'm an avid Laker hater (it's a hobby). I want them gone as soon as possible. My second least favorite team is the Jazz (crazy Mormon fans, I'll talk about it some other time). I want them gone. Atlanta Hawks . . . not sure why I hate them, but they are number 3 on my hate list, soooooo: gone.

Anyone who is NBA literate and reading this blog knows that I have completely lost my mind with this bracket. As much as I hate to admit it, the Spurs suck this year and are lucky to be in the playoffs at all. Also, the Lakers are good and will most likely not be eliminated in the first round. So, for all of you who are dying to know, I made another bracket for what I think will ACTUALLY happen:



Perhaps I'm still thinking wishfully. The Eastern conference was easy, but the Western conference required me to think a little bit. I think that Denver will have a difficult time with Utah, but will ultimately pull it off. Then, my prediction for the winner between the Lakers and Nuggets is easily debated, but I thought that the Nuggs are ready to make sure that this is not a repeat of last year's Western conference finals. Plus the Lakers have really been playing bad in the past few games. Ultimately I picked the Nuggets because they beat the Lakers 3-1 in the regular season. Also the Nuggets are in my top three favorite teams and the Lakers are douchebags (Is that offensive to some readers? Sorry, I couldn't think of another word to describe them). I think Phoenix will beat Dallas and Denver (much to my disappointment) because they have been playing scary good lately. Honestly though when I was putting this together I surprised myself in saying that Phoenix would get to the finals. That's easily debated too. And then, ultimately the Cleveland Cavaliers are the best team in the league and they are going to take it. If I were to bet money on anything from my bracket, it would be that the Cavs take it all this year. Everything else is shaky. I mean, Shaq single-handedly gave 3 wins to the Lakers, so why wouldn't he step it up for the Cavs? The only reason I said that is to burn Kobe fans because even though they won't admit it, they know that Shaq is the reason for Kobe's first 3 wins.

Um, that's all.

Oh yeah, is anyone else annoyed that Volkswagon is trying to start up the "slug bug" game again?

Fight your own Fake Battles.

After my last post, I wanted to re-commit myself to shorter blog posts and also to avoiding politics unless I can laugh at it. I mean, let's be realistic, I can't stay away from politics, it's physically impossible for my brain to ignore it. But in the past week, I'm pretty sure I offended half of my ward (not with the post, but with other Facebook debates), and I found out that people know me as someone who gets heated up about politics simply to pass time. And as I alluded to in the last post, I'm so sick of politics, so I'm not going to rack my brain with it anymore (that's probably a lie, too).

People who read this think that I am a negative person. I'm really not though. I'm actually very positive. I created this blog as a way to complain because I don't complain in real life. Also, have you ever read a positive, happy blog? Boooring. You know what I'm talking about: "My life is so great because I am married to the most perfect human being ever and we have gorgeous, well behaved children who get straight A's and wrote full symphonies at age 9, blah blah blah" boring. Let's face it, negativity in blogs is funnier. I also started this blog because all the negative feelings I bottle up during my day keep me up at night and this is a good outlet. For example, considering how mad I was last week at the passage of the healthcare bill, I slept very well on that Sunday night because of that blog post. I actually slept better that Sunday than I did on Tuesday, the day the bill was signed into law. So, proof that this is healthy for me.

Anyway, I'm getting lost in tangents. I want to write shorter blogs about strange things that I experience or think about. More like a stand up routine, or like The Soup (show on E! that makes fun of television shows. If you don't watch it, do. It's hilarious) But you'll find out that I'm a little slow in talking about things as I see them, which leads to what I wanted to talk about today.

In November of last year, Playboy Magazine featured nude drawings of Marge Simpson. I personally have nothing to say one way or the other about it, but a certain Christian activist group did. I tried to find the original article that I had read months ago, but after searching tirelessly (2 minutes) for it, I gave up. Never fear, I remember the important things. This Christian group was in a tiff because Playboy slandered the image of a housewife, mother of 3. I laughed pretty hard when I read this. First of all, I don't know if Marge Simpson is the perfect model of a Christian mother anyway, so get over it. Also, as a fellow Christian, I find it much more awful that 18 year old girls are walking out of high school, skipping college and heading right into the Playboy mansion, where they take off their clothes and have their picture taken for millions of creepy men to look at for millions of dollars, and then are sleeping with an 84-year-old millionaire who will just replace them in a year or so anyway. But, that doesn't bother this particular activist group. Apparently, young women are allowed to offer nothing but smut to society, but when a FICTIONAL, cartoon mother of three appears nude in a magazine we have to put our foot down. I don't condone it, but seriously, maybe you could use that energy to fight for something that is, I don't know, real.

I almost forgot my disclaimers. You know, all of my blogs have them. I think that it's good for Christians to stand up for what they think is right, but I mean, c'mon. I appreciate your concern, but you need to adjust your aim a little. You have to use some common sense, and use love, not hate, man (groovy). And secondly, I apologize for saying that Marge is not a model of a good Christian mother (even though I think it's true). I love the Simpsons!

Pearls before swine.

Yes, here comes another political blog, but this one is a little different. And I have been thinking about it for a while, so don't think that I wrote this all in response to the despicable vote by congress for healthcare today, although I am beyond words with disgust. Maybe I'll write about it later, but I could probably write a whole novel about it, so I probably won't. It's not like I have that much time on my hands.

I am tired of many accusations that Republicans get for their views. "You are fighting against Obamacare even though you know it's for your own good." "You hate the country", "you are finding excuses just to start a war", "you are purposely sabatoging progress," "you hate the planet because you don't have a Prius", "you deny scientifically factual evidences of evolution". Democrats think that Republicans are stupid. Did it ever cross their minds that we weighed the options of Obamacare and our opposition to it is ACTUALLY BACKED UP WITH LOGICAL REASONING? But then it gets worse. Once all those myths are debunked, it just comes down to one thing. We must just hate black people. It doesn't happen to me as often as I make it seem, but I still get that accusation. Let me just say very clearly that I HATE racism in all forms. If I told someone that I voted for McCain just because he was white (which isn't true, by the way) I would be lynched. Yet, many, many, MANY people have told me that they voted for Obama, JUST BECAUSE HE'S BLACK. How is that not racism? But I digest . . .

I realize that it's not just the democrats. Republicans do it too. This is why I don't want to put myself in either of those groups. Just as an example I'll use the healthcare bill that was passed today. The only consolation that Republicans are taking now is that in November all these Dems will lose their jobs. I don't give a freaking crap about that! It's not a party game. In all honesty, if this bill was supported by more than half of the American people, even if I still opposed it, I would be okay with it passing, because that's how it works. I don't care what party has a majority, I care about them upholding the voice of the people. The party is not what makes good politics. Corruption exists in both parties, and I really don't believe that having a Republican majority in today's senate would be that much better. Again, I digress, that's not what this blog is about.

I say often that my religious beliefs dictate my political views. Obviously it's all opinion, and people who disagree with me, even if they belong to the same religious community, are just as valid with their political views as I am. For me, my religion is virtually the ONLY reason that I became interested in politics at all. I am going to attempt right now to explain to all of you how this system of belief works inside my own brain. So yes, this is not only a political blog, it's a religious blog. Two of the touchiest subjects in one, how lucky for you. If you aren't interested in either one, leave now. It might be educational somewhat for any of you reading this who know nothing about my religion. I am going to talk here as though you understand all the terminology, but in case there are people reading this who don't understand, I am going to put a short glossary of sorts at the end of this. Also be warned, this is probably going to be long. I was going to break it into two parts, but I figured I'd just drop it all out there at once.

It's absolutely important for you all to know that my views do not reflect the doctrine, teachings, or political stance of the LDS church.

I finally came to a big realization: I am so sick of politics! I feel like I am constantly being lied to. I spend a lot of time verifying information that I hear before I accept it as truth, but it is getting harder and harder to determine. Some of you more seasoned U.S. citizens (old people) are probably saying to yourselves, "So, what's new?" I realize that I sound a little naive at times because I'm young. I also know that I am about as old as most people are when they come to the same "politics suck" conclusion, so it's nothing new. Getting on with it:

Our founding fathers were tired of living under strict European rule. They had many different ideas about what government should be. They believed in having a limited government, rather than the total goverment rule that they lived under in Europe. The government told them what to believe about God (a universal religion, if you will), yet many of them had differing views, and they worshiped in fear of having the government powers seize upon them. So, they left in search of a new land where they could establish a free, limited government. Eventually, they established the Constitution. Among other things, the Constitution gave everyone the right to worship God in any way they chose, which included the right to not believe in God at all. Even with that said, the founding fathers felt that they were inspired by God in the creation of the Constitution.

Benjamin Franklin said, "We have been assured in the Sacred Writings, that 'except the Lord build the House, they labor in vain that build it.' I firmly believe this; and I also believe that without His concurring aid we shall succeed in this political building no better than the builders of Babel." If you didn't know, Babel was part of the large Assyrian Empire, no one thought it could be destroyed, it was.

The LDS religion also feel that the founding fathers were inspired by God. Freedom of religion was essential for our church to be restored, allowed to flourish, and grow.

Doctrine and Covenants (hereto referred as D&C) section 101, verses 79 and 80 is a revelation from God through Joseph Smith. He says, "It is not right that any man should be in bondage one to another. And for this purpose have I established the Constitution of this land, by the hands of wise men whom I raised up unto this very purpose, and redeemed the land by the shedding of blood." Wise men are, of course, the founding fathers.

These next scriptures highlight the church's stance on secular laws. It is appropriate to note that we don't believe that any wordly government is perfect, but until Christ comes again and establishes that perfect system, we are encouraged to be law abiding citizens.

"And that law of the land which is constitutional, supporting that principle of freedom in maintaining rights and privileges, belongs to all mankind (D&C 98:5)." "Befriend . . . that law which is the constitutional law of the land (D&C 98:6)." "I, the Lord, make you free, therefore ye are free indeed; and the law also maketh you free (D&C 98:8)."

D&C 134: 6 " and that to the laws all men show respect and deference, as without them peace and harmony would be supplanted by anarchy and terror." 7: "We believe that rulers, states, and governments have a right, and are bound to enact laws for the protection of all citizens in the free exercise of their religious belief; but we do not believe that they have a right in justice to deprive citizens of this privilege, or proscribe them in their opinions, so long as a regard and reverence are shown to the laws and such religious opinions to not justify sedition nor conspiracy."

So obviously according to LDS modern day scripture, the Constitution of the United States of America is absolutely valid, inspired, and sacred while simultaneously maintaining our freedom to choose for ourselves, which is essential to God's plan.

The LDS Church encourages it's members to be politically educated and involved. They don't, however, tell us how to vote. This is confusing to some people that I have talked to. Why would they care so much if they don't care who you vote for? That question usually comes from people who have the theory that the church is trying to take over the world. But, just as I'm pointing out right now, because we believe in the sacredness and divinity of the Constitution, it's absolutely important to uphold it. John Taylor, third president of the LDS church told us why it's important to be politically involved to uphold righteous principles:

"We have got to establish a government upon the principle of righteousness, justice, truth, and equality and not according to the many false notions that exist among men. And then the day is not far distant when this nation will be shaken from center to circumference. . . (Now here's the kicker) When the people shall have torn to shreds the Constitution of the United States, the Elders of Israel will be found holding it up to the nations of the earth and proclaiming liberty and equal rights to all men, and extending the hand of fellowship to the oppressed of all nations." Elders of Israel can mean leaders of the church, Priesthood holders. But, I feel that in the context of this quote it can mean anyone who is a true follower of Christ. That is not church doctrine, mind you.

Here's another example why we should be politically involved, from Abraham Lincoln (by the way, I can't believe that Barack had the audacity to quote Lincoln during his speech to push healthcare through yesterday. Honest Abe would never condone this bill.): The Gettysburg address, Lincoln says that the country is made BY the people, and FOR the people. That's what a republic is, it's the people's voice, and we want our voice for righteous principles to be heard and hopefully heeded. Government officials are not our masters, they are our servants (remember how they are called "Public Servants"?). They are supposed to carry out the voice of the people. This is a whole other blog that might never happen, but I'm just going to briefly mention that the founding fathers never wanted a democracy. They abhorred democracy, and they built a republic. A republic that gradually transformed into a democracy. Moving on.

D&C 134:1-3 "We believe that governments were instituted of God for the benefit of man; We believe that all governments necessarily require civil officers and magistrates to enforce the laws of the same; and that such as will administer the law in equity and justice should be sought for and upheld by the voice of the people of a republic, or the will of the sovereign."

Section 109 of the D&C contains the words of a prayer that was offered by Joseph Smith as a dedication to a temple that was built in Kirtland, OH. Joseph Smith said later that the prayer was given by revelation. D&C 109:54 says, "Have mercy, O Lord, upon all the nations of the earth; have mercy upon the rulers of our land; may those principles, which were so honorably and nobly defended, namely, the Constitution of our land, by our fathers, be established forever." There should be special emphasis on the phrase "honorably and nobly defended".

D&C section 98, verse 10 says, "honest men and wise men should be sought for diligently, and good men and wise men ye should observe to uphold."

D&C 98:9 "Nevertheless, when the wicked rule the people mourn."

D&C 101:85-90 "Thus will I liken the children of Zion. Let them importune at the feet of the judge; and if he heed them not, let them importune at the feet of the governor; and if the governor heed them not, let them importune at the feet of the president; and if the president heed them not, then will the Lord arise and come forth out of his hiding place, and in his fury vex the nation; and in his hot displeasure, and in his fierce anger, in his time, will cut off those wicked, unfaithful, and unjust stewards, and appoint them their portion among hypocrites, and unbelievers."

That last scripture really scares me in today's context. 65% of Americans either opposed the healthcare bill, wanted a revision, or were undecided. In this last week when the Obama administration made it clear that they were going to ram this unpopular bill through, political leaders were literally flooded with mail, e-mail, phone calls, etc with an overwhelming plea to vote no! Here in the Bay Area, even! That's gotta tell you something, when Berzerkely is siding with Republicans. A congressmen here in California openly said that they just threw away all the letters they got pleading him to vote no. And I'm not talking about a few letters, we're talking about 40,000 +. His reason for discarding them? It's too distracting while making this decision. Yeah, I can imagine that receiving 40,000 letters could be distracting. So, with respect to that last scripture I quoted: We have importuned at the feet of the judge, the governor, and even the president. And we were not heeded.

To change gears a little, but still in illustrating how far this country has deviated:

George Washington said, "There is no practice more dangerous than that of borrowing money; for when money can be had in this way, repayment is seldom thought of in time, the interest becomes a loss, exertions to raise it be dent of industry cease, it comes easy and is spent freely, and many things [are] indulged in that would never be thought of if [they were] to be purchased by the sweat of the brow."

Compare that to what Joe "Clueless" Biden said, "we have to go spend money to keep from going bankrupt." Compare to what Obama is saying about his healthcare plan, that somehow spending 2 trillion dollars a year is not going to raise the deficit. We are already in the state that George Washington said we'd be in that last quote. Check this out.

I hate that the world is trying to take away consequences to our actions. Obama says that people who have pre-marital sex should not be "punished" with a baby. Pro choice groups are upset that people are CHOOSING life. And now abortions are funded by the government. No consequences to our actions anymore. Marijuana is being legalized in California, because if you can't beat them, join them. We live in a time when everyone is looking for a free handout. People feel that they are entitled to everything, they feel like they deserve to have things given to them, with virtually no work on their part. They are indulging in things that never would be thought of if it was purchased by the sweat of their brow.

Our nation that was built by our forefathers on the principles of righteousness. The right to freedom of religion also gave people the right to not believe in God at all (I have several friends who don't believe in God, and they are good people, so please don't think that I believe otherwise). The nation was built as a way to escape European government, a system that the Obama administration now, ironically, wants to emulate for some reason (I don't care what you say, healthcare in France, or Canada, or England, or ANYWHERE else is not as good as the healthcare in America, as imperfect as it is. In fact, they all come here for serious health issues.). To take it a step further religiously, a country that was built so that the ideas of God could advance, flourish, and be easily accessible to all for worship in how, where, or what they may, however with one stipulation: That when this people began to be prideful and discount the existence of deity, it would fall, just as many great nations of the past fell in the same manner. How many times was Jerusalem destroyed? If you don't know about the fall of Constantinople and the entire Byzantine Empire, look it up. No country is too big to fail. The Constitution is BY the people, FOR the people. When the people choose wickedness, the government unrighteously seeks for power and seeks to become the master, and the Constitution is corrupted, or as John Taylor put it, "torn to shreds." And when it's torn to shreds, the corrupt leaders don't listen to the people, as shown today in congress. And the Republic turned Democracy is no longer a democracy, it's a dictatorship. This system of government has NEVER worked in the history of the entire world.

Sometimes, I feel like I don't want to waste my energy fighting for the sake of the country, because our religious history has predicted a dramatic end. Why fight the inevitable? I suppose it's to prove our commitment to God and righteous principles. I'd die for that cause, because the inevitable is also that it's going to get much, much better right at the moment that it seems like humanity would be wiped off the planet, and made extinct.

If you don't see the crap that Obama is doing, you either live in a very deep cave, or you are so in love with him that you applaud him every time he takes a dump. Or maybe you think he's so far ahead of everyone else that the brilliance of his strategy will only be apparent in retrospect. That's what he's trying to get you to believe from the sound of his speeches. I just have to say also that I'm pretty hard on Obama. He is arrogant and pompous, but I can shake him off. However, when I hear Nancy Pelosi or Harry Reid speak, words can't describe how much I despise them. "You have to vote for the bill to find out what's in it." Really, Nancy? Sorry, but I'm not willing to spend 2 trillion a year on a mystery box that I can't even open for four more years. By the way, if we have to pay taxes on this health bill immediately, but don't have coverage until 2014, how are we supposed to pay for healthcare until then? 1 for the price of 2 is not a good deal either, in case you didn't know.

Did anyone else notice during the political craziness this past week that the Shi'ite Iranians and the Sunni Taliban joined together to grow their army? Why? "Our religions and our histories are different, but our target is the same -- we both want to kill Americans." Hmm, maybe we should pay attention to that.

Read this, Barack

LDS - short for Latter-Day Saint. The entire name of the church is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. We believe that it is the same organization as the primitive church when Christ was on the Earth complete with prophets and apostles, which we also have today.

Joseph Smith - The prophet who was called in 1820 to restore Christ's church as described (briefly) above. We revere him as a prophet just like prophets in the Bible.

John Taylor - The third prophet following the death of Joseph Smith and second prophet Brigham Young.

Doctrine and Covenants - A book of modern day revelation as received by modern prophets. Mostly revelation to Joseph Smith as he was restoring the church, but other prophets have added revelations as they receive them. We regard it as scripture.

Shared Firsts

I apologize for my previous outburst about the State of the Union. That's not how I wanted my blog to start out 2010. Come to think of it, I'm not sure how I wanted my blog to start out 2010 . . . (whenever you see those three dots you should imagine me looking up and to the left in a thoughtful manner). I usually set goals at the beginning of every year, but it's just because it's a convenient time to do so. A new year has never really meant anything to me. I like how my aunt put it. She said (in paraphrase) that new years is a great excuse to get time off work and party, but all it really means is that it will take months to train myself to write the new date on everything. This new year is slightly different for me though, as I look at what's ahead of me this coming year. I'm not going to bore you with details, but I'll just say that some things this year will actually force me to grow up! I've avoided it pretty dang well for the past 25 years, but it looks like I've gotta do it.

By the way, I don't really apologize for my previous outburst. I meant it, and I stick to it!

Here's something short for you to remember me by:

I have several nieces and nephews and I think they're all great. I hope that my kids are just like them. Until then, I'm competing to be the favorite uncle. So, I always find ways that I can relate to them. I hope my sister, Sarah doesn't mind me using her daughter Owyn to illustrate my point right now.

Recently, my sister posted some pictures of my niece Owyn. One picture showed Owyn sporting a small ponytail, with the caption "Owyn's first ponytail."




How cute, right? I commented by saying "I can get my hair into a ponytail about that size right now." In sisterly fashion, my siblings lovingly called me a hippy and other things. I didn't take offense to anything they said (we make fun of each other a lot), but I just got the feeling that they didn't believe me. So, check this out:








This is MY first ponytail!

Just an FYI: I realize how gross I look with a ponytail, so I don't ever leave the house like this.

State of the Union.

I just watched a rebroadcast of Obama's state of the Union address. I didn't watch it when it aired on primetime, so I watched it at 1 am. Problem is, now I'm so upset that there's no way I'll be able to sleep unless I vent a little! I'll try to keep this light:

There are several things that I notice in all Obama speeches that seriously upset me. First of all, he comes out with the most arrogance I have ever seen in any man. He comes to the pulpit already saying "you're welcome".

For example, he talks about how he's continuing to push for healthcare. This bill, he claims is going to save us a bunch of money and decrease our national debt. Let's do math on the White House calculator: Take a 12 trillion dollar debt + 787 billion stimulus + 20,000 per clunker + 1 trillion for healthcare . . . carry the 1, then add gumdrops and rainbows. Oh, I understand now. Obama then has the nerve and arrogance to tell us that universal healthcare is for our good and will benefit us. Hm, last I saw, the approval rating for healthcare was scraping 35%. Wow. No one wants it, but THANK YOU, Barack! Thank you so much for pushing for something that we don't even want, I guess we're too RETARDED to make this decision ourselves. Thank goodness you are smart enough to understand that we don't know what we want.

Obama seems to condescend to his audience. Whenever someone yells some snide comment from the audience (which I also think is stupid, by the way) he always snaps back with something like, "look it up." Yes, Barack, I know that your intelligence is so superior to mine, thank you. He acts like a bully when people disagree with him.

Oh, and way to go for pushing aside the victory in Massachusetts like it was nothing big, even though a major issue for Brown's campaign was that he would VOTE NO ON HEALTHCARE. And people still voted for him . . .

I am so, so, so angry every time Barack blames our problems on the previous administration. Even if you believe that it's true, get over it! You have to man up. YOU are in charge now! You can't blame everything on Bush. You can't hide behind that excuse when your approval ratings drop faster than any president in U.S. history. I can't even explain enough how much this makes my blood boil. It's like he thinks he craps gold, so whenever something goes wrong it couldn't possibly be any fault of his. If I hear him blame someone else for problems in his administration again, I just might punch myself in the face.

Yes, this was the light version. I may regret this and delete it by tomorrow morning, so count yourself lucky if you got to read it. In other words, "you're welcome."

Is it 2012 yet?