Friday, May 21, 2010

Things that bother me . . . a lot.

If any of you are following the NBA Playoffs this year, you'll know that the predictions in my previous post are busted. It kind of sucks. The Playoffs are like Christmas. There is that initial build up of anticipation, followed by hints and clues as to what you're going to get, and then on Christmas day you either get a package of blank T-shirts or a tricked out XBOX 360. In other words, you're either excited, or completely let down and the only consolation is the phrase "there's always next year". Well, Christmas day hasn't yet arrived in NBA land, but so far it looks like I'm getting either a pair of tube socks or a swift kick in the pants. I don't plan on talking about sports much longer here, so if you're not interested in what I'm about to say, just skip to the next paragraph. For the rest of you, allow me to bore you with this: I wanted the Spurs (my most favoritest team) to win everything. They weren't doing so good this year, so I wasn't expecting much, but they won in the first round, and it gave me some hope for them afterall. Alas, this hope only made it much more bitter when they were eventually eliminated in the second round. My second choice after the Spurs was the Cavs. Eliminated. Third; Nuggets. Eliminated. My fourth choice is anyone but the Lakers, however, I thought that the Cavs and the Nuggets were really the only teams that had a chance of beating the Lakers, but they were eliminated before they even met the Lakers. And now it looks as though the Lakers are headed for a repeat. I'd rather have a root canal without anesthetic than see a repeat. One day I'll explain why I have such severe hatred towards the Lakers, but it's complicated. You know how all my opinions have stipulations and exceptions. I'm weird that way. I will say one thing: I have an uncle who is a Lakers fan, and I think he's great and I don't think anything negative of him at all. But, what's the difference between him and most other Laker fans? He lives in L.A. Moving on.

I've said this before, but I'm sure not many people believe me: I'm not a negative person. I'm really not. But I post about negative things because it's a lot more fun than telling everyone what makes me so happy. So, in order to maintain my facade (imagine a comma attached to the bottom of the "c" and I'm prreetttyyy sure I'm using that word correctly) of negativity, I have made a list of things that really bother me, in no particular order:

-When people end every sentence with an upward tonal inflection so that it sounds like everything they say is a question. You might as well stop talking because I stopped listening.

-Huge sunglasses. And I'm not talking about the ones you get at a novelty gag store, those are hilarious. I'm talking about the ones that are actually considered "high fashion". I remember when I was a kid and my grandma would get ready to go to the grocery store. She would always put a scarf around her purple hair, then put on sunglasses that were half the size of her face. I use to laugh silently to myself, but now it's the style. I think Grandma was on to something.



yet, also funny (and might I mention that one of the Lakers is married to this woman. 'Nuff said.)

-When people wear their sunglasses inside. (Imma let you finish, Kanye, but you look like a moron.)

-Double negatives. ("Can't get no satisfaction." Good song, bad grammar.)

-When people can't form a sentence without using the F-word. Especially when it doesn't even make sense. I've heard lots of people START every sentence with the F-word. ("What did you do today?" Response: "F-in' I played Candyland with my little sister.", etc. etc)

-In California it is illegal to use a cell phone while driving unless you have a headset. That doesn't bother me, but sometimes people put their phones on speaker and hold the phone up to their mouth to talk into it. Just because it's not against your ear doesn't mean that you are okay to use your phone.

-Loud music and subwoofers in an apartment. Don't these people realize that they share walls with other people? I sound like an old man, I know.

-When people drive straight in a turn only lane.

-Lane changes without using a signal. I'll let you in if you signal, you don't have to push your way in front of me. (I understand why you wouldn't signal in Utah. Because when you signal, the guy in the lane over will speed up just so you can't change lanes.)

-People who complain about bad drivers. Hypocrite, I know, but seriously, everybody's idea of a bad driver is different. Someone once explained to me why he's such a good driver, and everything he said is in my definition of a bad driver.

-Um, Utah drivers. Good and bad drivers alike can agree that it's bad in Utah.

-When I can hear music word for word coming out of a person's headphones. I sound old again.

-The word "hella" or "hecka". I didn't know people actually used these words until I came to California. I'm sorry to admit that I found myself saying it a lot, but then I realized that my IQ dropped at least 10 points every time I said it. (Example for you who are unfamiliar: "I was hella excited to go and spend hecka money on hella clothes. I hecka love Old Navy.")

note that this image is trademarked. It's a sad world we live in.

-When people pronounce "especially" like "ekspecially". Or "ask" like "axe".

-When people use words that are almost right, but not quite right. Words like: irregardless, uncomplete, unrational, unvaluable, unconsiderate. A lot of mixing up "un" and "in". I tried to think of other examples, but you get the picture.

-Protesters. Ekspecially the ones in Berkeley who protest the sun and everything underneath it. And has anyone else noticed that the people who protest regularly are usually the most uninformed?

Funny. And I have my own opinions about Romney. They're not as strong as my opinions about Barack, which is why you've never heard them.

This was a "Free Tibet" protest when the olympics were in China recently. If you don't understand the humor in this picture, check this out. And I'm not condescending (that means talking down to you). I didn't understand the humor until I did some research.

-Pro-choice protestors. It's not people who are pro-choice in general that bug me, that's their prerogative, but the ones who get upset when I CHOOSE life. They aren't pro-choice, they are pro abortion.

-PETA. We both love animals. I just happen to like mine medium rare. But, same as above. If you think that animals should be treated ethically, okay, that's fine. But it seems like the biggest PETA supporters often forget that human lives are more important than animal lives.

-Weird facebook status updates. You know the ones I'm talking about: The vague sentences that are fishing for attention like "Why does it have to be like this? I didn't think it would hurt this bad, but I guess everything happens for a reason. I just wonder how long I'll be suicidal. I'm depressed. Please aks me what's wrong, even though I don't want to talk about it and make it public to all my friends on facebook. I'll tell you every detail, just ask me."

-Twitter. I have an account. It bothers me.

-The excessive use of exclamation points!!! Whenever I see an exclamation point I read it as yelling! And when people add several at the end of a sentence I'm overloaded!!!!! I get e-mails sometimes where every sentence ends with an exclamation point! "How are you! I'm great! I went to the store today! Foot cream was on sale! I also bought milk! Because I'm out!" And people who use multiple exclamation points inevitably add a 1 in there occasionally!!!!1.

-The movie "A Walk to Remember". When I was in high school every girl loved that movie, so I ended up watching it a lot (you know, cause I'm a ladies man), and I thought it was SOOOOOO stupid from day 1.

-People who actually think we can stop the climate from changing.

-Celebrities who think I give a crap about their political views. I like your acting, but that doesn't mean you're smart, and now you've ruined every movie for me that you're in and will be in.

-People who adopt their political views from their favorite celebrities. (Oprah.)

-Bad parking. How hard is it to park your Prius between two lines? We should line both sides of the parking spot with concrete poles. That way, they are forced to park in the lines, and if they don't, the only thing they harm is their own stupid car.


-People who complain about everything.

Let's go Celtics!!!1