Christmas List

Oddly enough, after my last, rather self-righteous blog about social network political arguing, I've had some of the best online debates in my entire social networking career. I was thinking about posting one here for everyone's reading pleasure, but I don't think you all find it as entertaining as I do.

I also received a lot of "hints" that I write way too much. I know that I have a tendency to write a lot, especially in this venue when I have no restrictions. It's lovely. But, since I'm feeling generous this holiday season, here's a short blog. And Christmas-y too!

I decided to make a list of things that I actually want for Christmas that I didn't put on my real list, because I won't get it anyway. Here goes:

- No more medical condition that is aggravated by lack of sleep, yet is treated by a medication that lists insomnia as one of it's side effects. ("I have a brain cloud" - someone name that movie and I'll let you go buy yourself a candy bar)

- 2 Nobel Peace Prize revokes (Al Gore for his attempt at playing God by controlling the climate, and Obama for his good intentions that are turning out to be hollow)

- Less ADD

- A Lakers loss

- More mind stimulating t.v. (since I'm going to be sitting in front of it anyway)

- New upstairs neighbors who don't rearrange their furniture at 2 a.m. at least 3 times a week

- New Downstairs neighbors who don't have a beefy surround sound that is turned up so loud that I can actually tell which t.v. show they're watching (usually "The Office")

- New across the hall neighbor who doesn't offer me weed in exchange for the one time I let him borrow my blender, almost a year ago.

- New down the hall neighbors who don't decide to smoke on my patio because the view is better.

- New complex managers who don't consistently lose our rent check, then threaten to evict us for not paying rent, then don't apologize when they find our check, then send us a bill for a late rent fee until we remind them that they lost our check.

- New apartment security guards who actually give a crap about something.

- Tranquilizer darts for the cat, and night vision goggles to see her since she often decides that playing with wads of paper is most fun during the middle of the night.

- Real teeth and a gum line that doesn't recede no matter how much I floss (another medication side effect)

- More energy

- The ability to never have to sleep ever (Do you know how much I could accomplish in the middle of the night? I mean, I already accomplish most things in the a.m., but I feel it the next afternoon)

- Less losers with their own reality shows, just because they made a homemade sex tape once.

- Self cleaning house.

- Less anal retentiveness for things that don't matter, more for the things that do.

I know what some of you are thinking. Why all the negativity? All I can say is, if you want to see people wishing for world peace, watch the Miss USA Pagent. Not only do they wish for world peace until it's nauseating, but they do it in bikinis! God bless America.

And here is my biggest inspiration for most philosophies of life:

Merry Freaken Christmas and Happy Festivus for the rest of us. (I'm not being sarcastic . . . seriously, Merry Christmas.)